The Poo Perplex
Trump Clump heave-hoe'd into Gulf of America
Walter Reed surgeons yoink impacted deuce from presidential pooper
Army Corps of Engineers plan solemn burial at sea for engorged Trump torpedo
Just when you thought that the Trump White House couldn’t possibly pull another whoopsie, comes word that a team of specialists at Walter Reed Hospital have pried loose a monstrous stool from President Trump’s cavernous tailpipe.
Chuck’s sources inside Bethesda, Maryland’s Walter Reed Army Medical Center say that although the risky procedure was ultimately successful, it was not unprecedented.
“We here at Walter Reed are accustomed to treating stubborn presidential poo jams,” says chief surgeon Ollie Slagg, “but this one was something special.”
Slagg recalls Walter Reed’s long history of commander-in-chief “damn busting”, dating all the way back to George Washington.
“Every Walter Reed surgical term has had cheeky pet names for Oval Office occlusions,” says Slagg, “...from ‘Washington’s Wad’ to ‘Lincoln’s Log’, virtually every presidential plug gets a nickname.”
“Even some military commanders have received the honour--the ‘Stonewall Jackson’ being the most notable, of course,” says Slagg.
“We have yet to come up with an appropriate moniker for Trump’s desiccated cack, but we will. Some of the boys have suggested, ‘Trump Dumpling’,”
“I kinda like that,” Slagg admits.
Whatever pet name it engenders, this particular clanger is indeed one for the history books.
Presidential historian and doody aficionado Terence Doodly tells Chuck that Trump’s poo-cork is truly without equal.
“We’ve seen a lot of presidential biggies over the years, but this one is a doozy,” says Doodly.
“And if you think the shit stops here, well, I’ve got news for you--Trump is only getting started,” Doodly tells Chuck.
“So, pull up a stool--another Trump dump is comin’ at ya!”
Perfection!